I remember getting frustrated because he just didn't seem to want to try. My family always took a summer vacation together on the beach. Angel had just finished 2nd grade and we were supposed to practice his reading every night. He was not only completely uninterested but any gains he had made in school that year seemed to be slipping away. Angel and I have rarely clashed but I found my temper rising everytime we sat down together to read. Eventually I had to stop.
I remember talking with his third grade teacher, who assured me boys took a little longer. I had to press my instance that Angel was struggling and it was NOT normal. Teachers have always loved Angel because he is sweet, earnest, and hardworking. A boy who struggles and isn't a behavior problem can get overlooked. Something I said finally clicked for his teacher and the testing process began
I remember him coming home tense and pale only to breakdown when we sat together on the couch. He couldn't read but his cousin and nephew (both younger) could. He felt isolated and ashamed and less than. I held him and we made a deal: he wouldn't give up on school, I wouldn't give up on him, and eventually he would read.
I remember tutoring him all through 4th grade while NOT writing my dissertation. Eventually I hired a tutor, a weasly little man I never liked, who specialized in zebra learning. Angel made progress but his 4th grade teacher was not convinced. I spent the second half of the school year arguing, with all the data I could find, not to have him held back a year.
I remember applying to middle schools (only in NYC does that pressure start so young) and him being shut out of the decent ones because of his performance on standardized tests. If he had been born with visual and/or performance art abilities there would have been opportunities but his talents lie elsewhere. We eventually got him into a new magnet school that seemed like a good match, until he actually started attending. To say the school had low expectations would be a huge understatement. Angel was praised for just showing up. I saw his efforts begin to lag but worse yet he started telling us how he was being bullied.
I remember buying a house we couldn't afford 50 miles north of the city and commuting 2 1/2 hours to work. Angel's new middle school, while more conservative than we were used to, had high expectations and resources. He progressed to high school, where discussions with teachers focused on the possibility of technical college. Many zebras, the books told me, have an affinity for fixing things; for taking things apart and putting them back together, sometimes for the better. Angel had never shown any such inclination. Angel had an affinity for creating elaborate stories in his head that he would embellish and playback for months at a time.
I remember getting him to a homework schedule where he would work for 15 minutes, break for 10, and work again for 15. One day the first 15 minutes had passed and he didn't get up. An hour later he was still at work. He had finally figured out how to get one of his stories out of his head and onto paper and was using it for a homework assignment. Angel had discovered writing. I wish I could say his high school years were easy after that, they weren't, but he at least had an outlet and a talent that gave him positive feedback from teachers.
I remember transferring him to a high school here in Greensboro for his final year. The south has a different grading system than the north and his already low grades became even lower once we moved. Low grades and low SAT scores did not bode well for college. We discussed small liberal arts schools that could give him the attention that he needed. We went on 3 tours and he applied to 4 schools. One school was willing to accept additional materials and Angel submitted a short story he had written during a summer writing camp. The Admissions Director called and wanted to understand how that story matched with those grades. Angel explained his strengths and challenges and the Director agreed to go to bat for him with the committee. It worked and that was the only college that accepted him.
I remember discussing his decision to defer his enrollment for a year. He made a good argument for why a gap year would help him and I had no money for tuition. It was a no-brainer but I worried he would never actually attend. But the next year he packed up and moved out. At that point I only had tuition for two years, so the plan was to get his grades up and switch to a larger public university. For the first time in his life, Angel found a comfortable home in a school. Much to my chagrin he joined a fraternity. I had heard nothing but horror stories about Greek Life but I am now a convert. I truly believe he would not have made it without his brothers.
A week ago today, my zebra graduated college.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 10:35AM 
